Saturday, 14 June 2008
New Meaning
To steal a category from Bryan (whom I met yesterday at a secret rendezvous in London's swanky West End, where we mapped out the next step in our total domination of the known blogosphere - be afraid...), here's a New Meaning. 'Perfectly ripe', as in the 'perfectly ripe' fruit you buy in the supermarket. Meaning: Brick hard and in need of a week in the sun - but costing twice as much. I write with feeling, having just drilled my way into a 'perfectly ripe' avocado.
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Same here though a basket of nectarines in my case. The cleverly hidden ones at the bottom are green and could be used in a cannon. It's too bad microwave ovens don't have a "ripen fruit" setting.
ReplyDeleteBest wishes for total domination of the blogosphere though I feel that some red wine and carbohydrates may be necessary to get the team into proper shape first.
Its the bananas that make my brain hurt, out of the bag a chainsaw is required, turn your back for 5 minutes, turned brown, gone mushy, onto the compost heap with them.
ReplyDeleteI hope this conspiracy of the kilobauds isn't the final solution, today Carshalton, tomorrow Penge.
Mark, I am forever fooled by the nectarines and peaches. I buy them only after carefully feeling their flesh, sniffing their skin, and studying their color. All seems to check out. But it's a hoax. They look and feel and smell ripe, but they're not. This a.m. I bit into one and it was tough inside and not at all sweet. A huge disappointment. Growers have figured out how to mimic ripe fruit, but it's all fakery. Caveat emptor!
ReplyDeleteMy father - who was born in India in 1931 - always ate supermarket fruit stoically, resigned to its crapness. When he was a boy he just got it straight from the tree when it was indeed perfectly ripe, rather than plucking it when it was still green, packing it on a plane and then shipping it to a supermarket to slowly ripen, if it could be called 'ripening' when it's plucked too early.
ReplyDeleteSecond-rate ripe, perhaps, is what they mean.
Looking for all the world like a fully matured peach, the image of an overripe fruit is reinforced, in my own case, by my bottom’s striking similarity in shape and texture to a rounded pear, while a careful feel of my flesh, the sniffing of my skin, the biting into it, or indeed the perusal of it’s colour would further establish that it has a voluptuous, somehow tender aura redolent of too much sunbathing....
ReplyDeleteFully first=rate ripened and waiting to be plucked - honi soit qui mal y pense!
D.
Selena, that would be very arousing if i didn't suspect you were really Bryan Appleyard in drag; in which case it becomes, rather, extremely disturbing.
ReplyDeleteI spent my childhood in India. Well do I know the art of picking fruit from the tree in the yard. To this day, I can't stand supermarket papaya and mango, although I love both. Bananas aren't as bad, fortunately.
ReplyDeleteSelena! What the French call (gulp) cul de poire. I might have known...
ReplyDeleteAh, Nige, you’ve got me there. I’m completely baffled as to the meaning, sound and significance of an expression which, I strongly suspect, is not part of polite French. Nevertheless, I have no doubt that as usual, you mean exceedingly well...
ReplyDelete...and Elberry, rather than disputing a charge of hiding behind a transgendered intermediary, I’ll have you know that I am in fact incredibly honest unless my age is involved. Then I forget everything, my background, my manners, my uprightness....
I always found burdz whispering French in me ear one big turnoff, Italian now, that's a horse of an entirely different colour, I remember one night in Aosta, and several in Bergamo, and a few in Milan, and then of course there was Courmayer, I digress.
ReplyDeleteCirclip Richard was born in India, so, apparently were millions of Indians.
elberry, If your dad was born in India shouldn't you be Bollyberry
'cul de poire' pear ass?
ReplyDeleteInteresting, Malty - i hadn't really noticed that my father's family name ends in 'cherry' - how strange, from cherry to berry, and i never noticed.
But Elberry, you did notice: Subliminally. Now Malty has made it manifest for you.
ReplyDelete(All that reading of Freud in grad school is suddenly paying off.)