Clemence Dane (born Winifred Ashton), a playwright and novelist very successful in her time, was born on this day in 1888. Despite being a prolific screenwriter, she seems to have remained (as her rather sweet features suggest) one of life's innocents. In his cheering memoir, Life's Rich Pageant, Arthur Marshall recalls her...'The physical side of life had passed her by, together with the words, slang and otherwise, that accompany it. She had no idea at all why people laughed, or tried tactfully to conceal laughter, as time and time again she settled for an unfortunate word or phrase. Inviting Mr Coward to lunch during the war when food was difficult, she boomed encouragement down the telephone: 'Do come! I've got such a lovely cock.' ('I do wish you'd call it a hen,' Noel answered.) Asking her friend, Olwen, what she had secured for a summer picnic, she was heard to yell up the stairs, 'Olwen, have you got crabs?'... To use correctly, in a literary sense, the words 'erection', 'tool' and 'spunk' was second nature to her. When wishing to describe herself as being full of life and creative energy, she chose, not really very wisely, the word 'randy'. To hear a large and imposing women of fifty announcing to a roomful of actors that she felt randy was really something. She never cottoned on to the fact that the name 'John Thomas' had a hidden significance, and she was heard one day expatiating about the different sides to a person's nature: 'Yes, every man has three John Thomases - the John Thomas he keeps to himself, the John Thomas he shares with his friends, and the John Thomas he shows to the world.' 'Of course, Winifred,' people said, when they could speak.'
Talking of such matters, this Appleyard piece has reconciled me to the back pain that's been giving me gip, off and on, this past week or two - it could be worse...
My rather sheltered & innocent ex-MILF used to say things like "we'll have time for a quickie" by which she meant not "a quick ruthless shag" but "a quick cup of tea". i let her say things like this in public for a while before i felt obliged to tell her what "quickie" meant in general parlance.
ReplyDeleteShe was quite shocked.
Brilliant - this post has thoroughly cheered a dreary Monday! Job done Nige.
ReplyDeleteOn possible psychological aspects of back pain see John Stossel on John Sarno:
ReplyDeletehttp://tmswiki.wetpaint.com/page/The+20%2F20+segment+on+John+Sarno+and+TMS
Hmmn, reminds me of an aunt of mine who, after chatting to one of the young, turned to the whole room and boomed "What is a turd?"
ReplyDeleteI've had the occasional run in with back and shoulder pain. It's always turned out to be the consequence of long hours sitting at a desk, i.e. bad posture, awkward chair, etc. Hope yours clears up sans delay, anyway.
Rather like Browning's twat, eh?
ReplyDeleteMy grandmother, being gently teased by a chap, once boomed to the room "Shall I bonk him?" (meaning 'hit on the head'). She looked vaguely bemused when everyone continued laughing long after the natural time for such a small joke.
ReplyDeleteThere are some innocents still - I guess only women of a certain age. Some just blank out all innuendo and lewdness - they will look at it and literally not be able to see it.
Growing up in England I was accustomed to hearing such remarks as 'He went bonkers (mad)', 'Shall I bonk (hit) him one?' and quickie used whenever something routine was to be done fast -- the subject would have been known to speaker and listener -- cock was used unabashedly to refer to a rooster as bitch was used freely to refer to female dogs. 'Old cock ' was the equivalent of 'Old man' Then, suddenly, with a loss of 'innocence' one became self conscious because of the sexual innuendo. It can be amusing to use the words in their primary(?) meaning with a determined disregard of any double entendre. I really shouldn't be surprise if Clemence Dane was not fully aware of the double meanings and was secretly amused by the reaction of others. Anyway, it amuses me to think so.
ReplyDeleteComing late to the party, but I just felt I had to point out that in Dane's novel "Broome Stages", about 200 years in the history of a theatrical family, their main theatre, the Gloriana, is nicknamed and referred to throughout as "the Glory Hole"...
ReplyDeleteShe wrote some excellent short stories, 'The Dearly Beloved of Benjamin Cobb' being one of them.
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