My tireless quest for soporific non-stories led me to this beauty, curently residing on the BBC News website. Who can but pity Jenny Sims (whoever she be) as she embarked, with a heavy heart, on this one? She has certainly given it her all, though, pursuing multiple lines of inquiry and extracting quotes from interested parties, including the gloriously named Richard Puffette, who's really in the wrong job - he was made for a life in breakfast cereals, or possibly patisserie.
Now, I love cardboard boxes as much as the next man (or, occasionally, woman) - they are, in their way, perfect; if I was smaller, I'd happily set up home in one - but even I had difficulty reaching the foot of this piece. It comes good towards the end, though, when the burning question finally gets the obvious answer: People buy boxes online beacause it's easier - well I'll be darned! Also, I might add, because they can afford to - recession, what recession? - and because of an underlying trend to prefer buying everything new. Even cardboard boxes. But for now I would rather not think about cardboard boxes any longer...
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Intro of the century:
ReplyDelete"We've all been there. Surrounded by clutter, left with nothing to house the mess. Enter the cardboard box."
We've all been there. Holding a bowl of soup, left with nothing to somehow transfer it into our mouths without creating a mess. Enter the spoon.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Nige, your piece has sent me back to Conan Doyle's "The Adventure Of The Cardboard Box" - wherein Dr Watson confesses that, though he has endeavoured to present cases with a minimum of sensationalism, it cannot always be avoided, particularly in the "strange,... peculiarly terrible chain of events" he then recounts. How could he possibly avoid sensationalism with such a sensational object in his title?
ReplyDeleteWe've all been there. Standing on the golf course, holding a club at the first tee, left with nothing to hit towards the hole. Enter the ball.
ReplyDeleteI wonder if the obvious answer is really the correct one. There are many deep and interesting questions that can only be answered by buying online and assembling yourself, such as "Do I fold the ends short-side under or long-side under?", "Should I seal the edges or will sealing only the central join do?" "Which is best, Sellotape, Scotch tape or perhaps something else?" Hunting for old boxes at the back of supermarkets is, I would guess, a fairly shallow approach.
ReplyDeleteWe've all been there. Sent on a perilous mission, on horseback, armed with a lance. Enter the dragon.
ReplyDeleteWe've all been there. Sitting in our cars, just north of Bromsgrove, wondering what we're going to drive on to get to Tamworth in Staffordshire. Enter the M42 motorway.
ReplyDeleteIt's my belief there was someone in that cardboard box when it entered - funny she didn't notice the feeet sticking out of the bottom...
ReplyDeleteWe've all been there. Holding the kettle, left with nothing we could turn from which water would gush to fill it. Enter the tap.
ReplyDeleteHmm, yes I think we're getting closer to the original's brilliance, Frank.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteWe've all been there. Lying in bed, left with nothing to shut to make it sufficiently dark that we might comfortably go to sleep. Enter the eyelids.
ReplyDeleteBrit, it may be that the original is unimprovable, but dammit we have to try. I think reading "Enter the eyelids" was that rare thing, a genuine "LOL" moment for me.
ReplyDeleteI've thought of a rude one, but I'm not going to put it here.
ReplyDeleteWe’ve all been there: trying to spy on a reclusive crime lord using his invitation to a martial arts tournament as cover. Enter the Dragon.
ReplyDeleteSorry. Couldn't resist.
We've all been there, longingly gazing at the door, enter the exit.
ReplyDeleteWe've all been there, the rugged streets of Shaolin, cash ruling everything around us. Enter the Wu-Tang
ReplyDeleteWe've all been there, saying our prayers, trying to include everyone. Enter Sandman.
ReplyDeleteWe've all been there...........................................................................enter the embarrassing silence.
ReplyDelete...............................................ahem...................
ReplyDelete