Friday, 23 September 2011

'Too awful to think about'

While the Large Hadron Collider boffins scratch their pointy heads over the Big Doughnut's failure to deliver a Higgs Boson, a related experiment at CERN seems to have overturned Einstein's special theory of relativity. This is causing shock and dismay among physicists, which is all to the good. Maybe we're on the verge of a paradigm shift, maybe we're not (do I look as if I care?). Nobody understood relativity, let alone internalised it, so let's hope the next model of the universe is something a whole lot simpler. Malty's Egg Timer would fit the bill - or maybe something involving giant turtles..


  1. Quite right. I can, I think, state the basics of relativity, but I haven't the faintest understanding of what spacetime tastes like, nor how it can be curved for that matter.

  2. I knew it! the track of the wee beasties ran under Florence on their way to CERN, they never told me, there was I, sitting on the steps of the San Miniato some weeks go, gorgeous afternoon, few tourists, Bach's T&F wafting through the doors when, all of a sudden, tremors through the ground, blimey I though, organists a bit heavy on the bass today. Turns out it was a gang of Newt Renos, hurtlin' towards Helvetia faster, apparently, than Albert said they would, bleedin' patent office wallahs, never could count.

  3. No doubt, the chap is totally fair.