'None of them has a yellow blob at the end'

 Exciting news today from the somewhat rarefied scholarly world of penis-counting – specifically counting penises on the Bayeux Tapestry. For some while it has been generally accepted, thanks to the tireless work of Professor George Garnett, that the total number of penises depicted on the tapestry (yes, I know – it's not a tapestry, it's a narrative embroidery) is 93, five of them human and the other 88 depending from horses. Now another scholar and 'Anglo-Saxon nudity expert', Dr Christopher Monk, claims to have identified a 94th penis – and it's a human one, hanging beneath a running man's tunic. Professor Garnett confidently identified this appendage as the dangling scabbard of a sword or dagger, but Dr Monk is equally certain it is a penis: 'The detail,' he declares, 'is surprisingly anatomically fulsome' [fulsome? Really?]. For Dr Monk, the relevant stitches clearly 'depict all the necessary parts  – a penis, with distinct glans and two testicles.' For Professor Garnett, however, that is no glans but a yellow blob intended to depict brass: 'If you look at what are incontrovertibly penises in the tapestry, none of them has a yellow blob at the end.' You can read the whole sordid story here, and see the contested image, which I must say looks like no penis I ever saw in art or nature.