An Unplanned Church

 Yesterday I had an appointment at a hospital some little way from Lichfield. For reasons I won't bore you with, I ended up arriving a full hour early. What to do? I'd noticed, on the way in, a red sandstone church standing apparently alone in the fields – Victorian by the look of it, and probably locked – but I thought I'd go and have a look. The hospital is in what might be called a semi-rural location, with the Big House (much Victorianised) close to it, and the village stretching along the main road, inhabited largely by the kind of people who like to build big showy houses behind tall wrought-iron gates and Virginia Water shrubbery. Not very inspiring then, and reeking of money. But the church – that was the thing. And I was lucky: as I drew near I spotted some human activity, which turned out to be the churchwarden and her husband finishing off the flowers with which the church was abundantly decked. This was in honour of the new vicar, who is being installed today. So, by pure luck, I had found the church open. It's wonderful how often this happens – sometimes it seems almost miraculous, as with the Lady with the Key. 
   Anyway, I had a nice chat with the churchwarden, and was able to have a look around the church before she locked up and left. The church is Victorian indeed, small and simple but of high quality, the gift of the then owner of the Big House, with lavish fittings, a spectacular polychrome sanctuary floor, and a couple of good stained-glass windows. Pevsner describes the interior as 'wholly satisfying', and it is indeed. I'm so glad I chanced to find it open. It was one of those happy unplanned moments that have peppered my church-crawling life – and indeed the rest of my life. Reasons to be thankful. 

'There is nothing to do with a day except to live it'

 Another day begins. Here is a starting-the-day poem by the great Richard Wilbur. It's just the kind of celebration of the domestic and the quotidian that got him such a bad reputation among the more 'advanced' taste-makers – more fools them: this is no simple celebration. 

C Minor

Beethoven during breakfast? The human soul,
Though stalked by hollow pluckings, winning out
(While bran-flakes crackle in the cereal bowl)
   Over despair and doubt?

You are right to switch it off and let the day
Begin at hazard, perhaps with pecker-knocks
In the sugar bush, the rancour of a jay,
   Or in the letter box

Something that makes you pause and with fixed shadow
Stand on the driveway-gravel, your bent head
Scanning the snatched pages until the sad
   Or fortunate news is read.

The day's work will be disappointing or not,
Giving at least some pleasure in taking pains.
One of us, hoeing in the garden plot
   (Unless, of course, it rains)

May rejoice at the knitting of light in fennel-plumes
And dew like mercury on cabbage-hide,
Or rise and pace through too-familiar rooms, 
   Balked and dissatisfied.

Shall a plate be broken? A new thing understood? 
Shall we be lonely, and by love consoled?
What shall I whistle, splitting the kindling-wood?
   Shall the night-wind be cold?

How should I know? And even if we were fated
Hugely to suffer, grandly to endure,
It would not help to hear it all fore-stated
   As in an overture.

There is nothing to do with a day except to live it.
Let us have music again when the light dies
(Sullenly, or in glory) and we can give it
   Something to organise.

Ever since I switched my allegiance from Radio 4 to Radio 3, classical music has been a background to my life for rather too much of the day (including even Classic FM pianissimo while I sleep, or not). If I'm awake early, I like to hear the snatch of birdsong that starts the Radio 3 day – but, by the time I'm eating my breakfast, I'm happy to turn the music off for a while. Wilbur is right – Beethoven at breakfast is not a good idea. But what was the C minor piece that was switched off? The expressive key of C minor was a favourite of Beethoven's – it's the key of the Pathétique sonata (and the last, number 32) and the Fifth Symphony. Wilbur talks of 'pluckings', perhaps suggesting a string quartet – maybe it was this one, a fine piece, but certainly not breakfast music...

'The best example of what living constantly with humans leads to'

 I see that the supermarket chain Sainsbury's is doing its bit to cut 'emissions' by removing brown eggs from its shelves in favour of white ones, which, according to its research, have a 12.7 percent lower 'carbon footprint' than their brown cousins. This major contribution to achieving 'net zero' has, of course, nothing to do with the fact that white eggs are cheaper and easier to produce... 
  Anyway, this got me thinking about chickens. The domestic fowl (Gallus gallus domesticus) is the most numerous bird, and the most numerous domestic animal, on the planet, with a population estimated at upward of 26.5 billion (four chickens for every human?). Our debt to them, as producers both of meat and of those natural wonders, eggs, is immense – but are we grateful to them, do we appreciate them? Of course not. Here is the great Polish poet Zbigniew Herbert's tribute to the doughty fowl –

Hen

The hen is the best example of what living constantly with
humans leads to. She has completely lost the lightness and
grace of a bird. Her tail sticks up over her protruding rump
like a too large hat in bad taste. Her rare moments of ecstasy,
when she stands on one leg and glues up her round eyes
with filmy eyelids, are stunningly disgusting. And in addition, that
parody of song, throat-slashed supplications over a thing un-
utterably comic: a round, white, maculated egg.
   The hen brings to mind certain poets.

[translation by Czeslaw Milosz]

Minced Oaths

 An American friend inquires – as well he might – what 'a Herbert Spencer of a cold' might mean. As I told him, I'm probably the only person on the planet who still uses the phrase (to universal bafflement). I came across it years ago in, I think, a novel by H.G. Wells (Love and Mr Lewisham?), where a character says he has had 'a Herbert Spencer of a day'. He means of course a Hell of a day, and it's an example of what is known as a 'minced oath', where an innocuous form of words, with the same initial letter, is substituted for a profanity.  There is no actual connection between Hell and Herbert Spencer, except that neither is a lot of fun. Another example where the name of a famous person is put to this use is 'what the Dickens?', which has nothing to do with the writer, but is simply a way of avoiding saying 'devil'. Similarly the exclamation 'Gordon Bennett' is a way of avoiding naming the deity. The Gordon Bennett thus invoked was the wealthy publisher, sportsman and celebrity (in his day) Gordon Bennett Jr, who, among other things, sponsored Stanley's expedition to Africa to find David Livingstone. And then there's the sad case of 'sweet Fanny Adams' (a way of avoiding the expression 'sweet f*ck-all'). Fanny was an eight-year-old girl whose brutal murder in Alton, Hampshire,  in 1867 caused a national outcry. But that's enough minced oaths. 
   Meanwhile, my own Herbert Spencer of a cold still has me firmly in its grip, so I have entirely missed out on the Devon jaunt I was looking forward to. Hey ho. 

A Cold, A New Month, A Poem

 I spent the weekend with my cousin amid the floriferous glory of Derbyshire at the turn of summer, with sunshine (much of the time) to heighten the beauty. However, along the way I discovered that, annoyingly, I was developing a stinking cold – which is now, on my return to Lichfield, in full dismal swing, a real Herbert Spencer of a cold. Still more annoyingly, I was supposed to be travelling to Exeter tomorrow to join my walking friends for a few days. Now my best hope is to make the journey on Thursday instead, if this tiresome virus has gone into retreat by then. Here's hoping...
   Meanwhile, I notice that May has become June, and today, the 2nd, is the date on which, in 1840, Thomas Hardy, Wessex's Monarch of Mirth, suffered the terrible fate of being born. Did he have something to say about June? Oh yes, he did, but, being Hardy, his thoughts inevitably turned to autumn – 

June Leaves and Autumn

I

Lush summer lit the trees to green;
But in the ditch hard by
Lay dying boughs some hand unseen
Had lopped when first with festal mien
They matched their mates on high.
It seemed a melancholy fate
That leaves but brought to birth so late
Should rust there, red and numb,
In quickened fall, while all their race
Still joyed aloft in pride of place
With store of days to come.

II

At autumn-end I fared that way,
And traced those boughs fore-hewn
Whose leaves, awaiting their decay
In slowly browning shades, still lay
Where they had lain in June
And now, no less embrowned and curst
Than if they had fallen with the first,
Nor known a morning more,
Lay there alongside, dun and sere,
Those that at my last wandering here
Had length of days in store.


[published in Human Shows, Far Phantasies, Songs and Trifles, 1925]

'Paradoxes flung up in the air'

G.K. Chesterton was born on this day in 1874. Max Beerbohm first met him in 1902 and described him as 'like a mountain, and a volcanic one – constant stream of talk flowing down – paradoxes flung up into the air – very magnificent.' They became friends, and Beerbohm admired him – within limits: 'I am not nearly as witty as Chesterton for one, but certainly I have not prostituted and cheapened my wit as he has' – harsh words, by Max's standards, but fair enough: the unstoppably prolific Chesterton did turn out plenty of substandard stuff.
  Beerbohm parodied Chesterton in full flow in the great parody collection A Christmas Garland. Chesterton is represented by 'Some Damnable Errors About Christmas', a fine stream of paradoxes which asserts that 'for nearly two thousand years mankind has been more glaringly wrong on the subject of Christmas than on any other subject. If mankind had hated Christmas, he would have understood it from the first.' Among the 'more obvious fallacies' are the idea that 'Christmas should be observed as a time of jubilation' and that it 'comes but once a year'. Spiritually, Chesterton asserts, 'Christmas Day recurs exactly seven times a week. When we have frankly acknowledged this, and acted on this, we shall begin to realise the Day's mystical and terrific beauty. For it is only every-day things that reveal themselves to us in all their wonder and their splendour.' All very Chestertonian, 'very magnificent'.
  Above is one of Beerbohm's caricatures of Chesterton. He was a huge man, standing six feet four inches tall – my own height, as it happens – and tipping the scales at something over twenty stone (which I don't). His girth was famously immense: there was a story that during the Great War a lady asked him why he was 'not out at the front', and he replied, 'Madam, if you go round to the side, you will see that I am.' And Wodehouse described a loud crash as 'a sound like G.K. Chesterton falling onto a sheet of tin.' In 1931, the BBC asked him to give a series of talks on the radio, and they were a great success, delivered more or less impromptu, with his wife and secretary in the studio with him. Four years later, Beerbohm began his own series of radio talks, which were also a great success, and were later published in the collection Mainly on the Air, one of his best. 

A Painted Lady Summer?

 So there I was, in the supermarket car park, gazing happily at a tough-looking low-growing shrub covered with tiny white flowers (maybe a Contoneaster of some kind) – and there, drinking their fill of nectar, were three glorious Painted Lady butterflies, all in my field of vision at once. Some years that is as many as I see in a whole season, but this year we seem to be having a Painted Lady Summer – they are everywhere, even in town. Those three came on top of another half dozen or so I'd seen on my short walk to the supermarket, and there have been many more in the garden. I do love these butterflies, and have done since early childhood, when I first registered the extraordinary beauty of their intricately marked underwings, and marvelled at the journey they had made to get here. We now know that they fly not only from the Med but all the way from the desert fringes of North Africa, the Middle East and Central Asia, making much of the journey at high altitude. And here they are this year, in glorious abundance. 
   Also this morning, just down the road from our house, I spotted a Hummingbird Hawk moth, feeding on red valerian. This little moth, which does give a very good impression of a hummingbird, has thrived wonderfully in recent years, even surviving the winter in many parts. 
  So there we are – at least two reasons to be cheerful. Also, the oppressive heat of the past couple of days has cooled down to a perfect early summer day (even though it's still spring).