Tuesday, 22 September 2009
Where Would Jesus Shop?
That's the question raised by the Bishop of Reading in his strange remarks (strange, but somehow wonderfully C of E). The Bish has Jesus down as a Lidl and Aldi kind of shopper, rather than a Marks & Spencer man. Well maybe, but to judge by His recorded utterances - 'sell all you have and give to the poor', 'lay not up treasures on earth', 'take no thought for the morrow', etc. - Jesus really doesn't seem to have been much of a shopper. But who knows? He might have been mildly attracted to eBay...
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I'm pretty sure that Jesus goes to Marks for his bits, but does his main shop at Asda.
ReplyDeleteFascinating, his seven last words were in fact..."Seventy five shekels, you must be joking"
ReplyDeleteOr..."bought it in TKMaxx, forty two quid"
ReplyDeleteDon't imagine Oddbins would have seen too much of him!
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ReplyDeleteConsidering he was a geography teacher style beardy-wierdy and about as holier-than-thou as they come, I'd reckon he spent his time wishing they'd open an organic wholefood store store in Gallilee.
ReplyDeleteHe also made sure that everyone knew his donkey was a first-generation Toyota Pious
He wouldn't shop at Aldi. Not unless he was after cheap cider and had something tattooed on his neck/forehead.
ReplyDeleteHe wouldn't have allowed himself M & S's wonderful 99p pork pie or its decent BLT. But if he was tall, he might have enjoyed the utter superiority of the Aldi trolleys, and their good value smoked salmon might have done nicely for the bread and fishes stunt.
ReplyDeleteAnd of course Borders would be a no-no, so many of Dawkins books on 3 for £15 at the moment.
ReplyDeleteI heard it on good authority that sons of god go to Iceland
ReplyDeleteShop? Why does no one ever ask where Jesus would have sold? My leftist colleagues suspect a local non-profit cooperative specializing in wine, bread and home remedies, although my more conservative friends point out that a sole proprietorship would have meant more alms to distribute.
ReplyDeleteShades of Dr Spacely-Trellis here who was much concerned with sex education. I feel sure he would have urged Jesus to make a point of stopping in Ann Summers for a knick-knack or two - milk and honey flavours, of course - before proceeding to Lidl with his "partner".
ReplyDeleteBlock & Tackle (for lifting people who have never walked before) = Machinery Mart.
ReplyDeleteBeard trimmer = Boots.
Robe = Gap (where else?)
Sandals = Camper direct
Thorny crown = Homebase garden section.
Nails x 4 = Screwfix direct.
Four by two's for cross = Buildercentre.
Seven last words EBook reader = Sonycentre.
Last supper provinder = Marksies food dept.
Shroud = Halfords (just a modified Golf rear seat cover)
Resurrection Shuffle = Amazon MP3 downloads
Sony MP3 player = Saturn, the one in Koln's Media Park.
Charger for above = John Lewis.
Stairway to heaven = Stannah lifts.
Why would he shop with all those personal shoppers in his retinue? Mom & Mary M., all those apostles -- they'd have brought him clothes (or made them), food, etc.
ReplyDeleteHe hated money; remember what he did to those people selling their stuff in the temple?
C'mon! Think Biblical, folks.
I think Jesus would be more of a seller than a buyer. He'd run a bread and fish shop with a sign in the window: 'Cod shortage ? What cod shortage?'
ReplyDelete...and no-one suggested the charity shops; I'm amazed. He could choose from six in our town (but he'd have to magic up the food.)
ReplyDelete