Monday 23 November 2009

Fares, Please

Yesterday, for reasons too tedious to go into, I was obliged to board a bus and buy a ticket - i.e. exchange cash for a ticket. I had not realised what an outlandish piece of behaviour this now is. The driver greeted my request with a look of mingled astonishment, bewilderment and pity, and, having reluctantly printed a ticket, motioned me to bide awhile beside his cab. He then launched into an interminable monologue in which he explained, first, the various ticketing (and of course non-ticketing) options available to me for this particular journey, weighing their relative merits, then advised me on the pros and cons of the season ticket as against the Oyster card, entered into a history of said Oyster card, explained its uses and virtues in minute detail, offered a beguiling glimpse of the all-Oyster travel utopia of the near future, permitted himself a digression on card fraud... On and on he went, as I stood there swaying, trying to remain upright, and, quite illegally, blocking his view. Whenever he paused for breath - which was rarely - I tried to make my excuses and escape to a seat, but, like the ancient mariner, he would fix me again with his inescapable, fare-fixated eye and resume. Was this, I wondered, some kind of hidden camera stunt? Apparently not. Was he having his little joke on me? No, he was deadly serious. It was simply a case of a man with a compendious knowledge of, and a burning love for, his subject, bursting with enthusiasm to share his love with anyone who would listen (however reluctantly). He was still in full flow, sharing away, when I thanked him, with every appearance of sincerity, and staggered off to my seat. Anybody want to know anything about ticketing systems in London?

10 comments:

  1. It was simply a case of a man with a compendious knowledge of, and a burning love for, his subject, bursting with enthusiasm to share his love with anyone who would listen (however reluctantly).

    Nothing like us bloggers, then... :)

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  2. I once had a similar experience with a scientist who had devoted her life to the study and development of batteries. Monomaniacical, she was. Try as I did to deflect the conversation to Darwinism, she just wouldn't let go.

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  3. They must get quite lonely up there in their little bullet-proof cages. He was reaching out to you, Nige - reaching out in the only way he knew how.

    "Only connect! That was the whole of his sermon. Only connect the cash and the oyster card, and both will be exalted, and human love will be seen at its highest"

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  4. Beat me to it, Brit. I was about to say the same.

    There is actually something touching about finding somebody who loves their job. When I went into my local Tesco the other day, the girl behind the counter could barely mutter a word, shrugged at my every question, and provided punctuation at the end of our exchange by blowing a bubble of gum which itself popped with an indifferent sigh.

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  5. How lucky you were that his selected topic was not football.

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  6. Quite the reverse of my bus experience last weekend. When I politely asked the driver if this was the correct stop to get off for X Road, I was first ignored and then told he had no idea what roads were where and 'I should've got a bloody cab'. How dare I expect a driver to know his own route? Much as I love Wellington, I have encountered the worst bus drivers ever here (and being a former Londoner that is saying something.)

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  7. Hey, Nige, was it route #11?

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  8. It was simply a case of a man with a compendious knowledge of, and a burning love for, his subject, bursting with enthusiasm to share his love with anyone who would listen (however reluctantly).

    He didn't look like AA Gill by any chance Nige?

    Peter, ditto, mine was a man with a Bury accent and was allegedly 'Europe's leading zip fastener expert'. no really, somebody has to be. I eventually discovered that gnawing off my finger ends dulled the pain.

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  9. Kate I'm horrified - in Wellington!? Collin, it was route 157 - be warned... And I'd far sooner have found out about batteries and zip fasteners, esp the latter...

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