Reptiles - The New Dogs

Can this really be true? As it's the British Federation of Herpetologists making the calculations (no doubt on the back of a torpid iguana), they're likely to be on the generous side - but the trend is probably real enough. I suspect that growth in reptile ownership (like the ownership of certain canine fighting machines) follows in line with growth in what might loosely be called the underclass or welfariat. The growth graph would follow growth in obestiy and mirror decline in physical activity. Reptiles, spending so much of their time in a condition of torpor, are the perfect, undemanding couch potato pets. They require no more than the kind of minimal attention even the most dedicated career layabout might manage - thawing out a reptile every few days, lobbing the odd locust... If we are indeed a nation of reptile owners, it is, I fear, another index of our national decline. A nation of dog owners is a sturdy, active, mobile nation, its emotional needs taken care of and social interaction guaranteed (the English being far too reserved to get emotionally involved with non-canines, and unable to talk to each other without a dog on a lead). A nation of reptile owners, on the other hand, is a craven, immobile, atomised and emotionally incontinent society. Is this what we've come to?