I shouldn't be talking about this of course, but it seems the high-level, deep-cover, fully deniable conspiracy to prevent the London Olympics from happening is gaining momentum. The hacking scandal was rather a roundabout way of getting there, but objective number one - the decapitation of the Met - has now been achieved. What comes next I cannot divulge at this point in time, but I feel confident that the glorious goal of an Olympics-free London will be achieved. And fear not - the stadium will be put to good use. In keeping with the retro spirit of the times and the climate of economic austerity, I've drafted a proposal for a truly alternative Olympics, one that will ensure a fun day out for all:
Egg and Spoon Race
Bring own eggs, spoons, ropes etc. If wet, in Millennium Dome.