If I hadn't happened to read a review of a new biography of Richard Burton - and I wouldn't have happened to read it had I not noticed that it (the review) was by the excellent Byron Rogers - I would never have known that the craggy and fabulously austere poet R.S. Thomas once came face to face with Mrs Richard Burton, Elizabeth Taylor. Gwydion Thomas, R.S.'s son, was a talented actor at Oxford and - here I'll leave it to Rogers to tell the tale - 'was recruited by Burton to appear in his film of Faustus. On set, when served tea, Burton, he recalled with awe, had to have the cup glued to the saucer, because his hands shook so much the rattle was picked up on sound.
Then there was an extraordinary lunch after the actor had asked to meet Gwydion's father. In the course of this, R.S. Thomas tried to interest Elizabeth Taylor in small talk. The poet did this by broaching the subject of flatfish. "And have you tried plaice?" he asked the Most Beautiful Woman in the World.'
And have you tried plaice?... I pass this on purely because it made me laugh. But I've made a mental note of the line - you never know when it might come in handy.
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ReplyDelete"And have you tried plaice" is a splendid example of 'awkwardly-contrived small talk that instantly makes both parties horribly aware that they are engaged in awkwardly-contrived small talk.'.
ReplyDeleteMy pal Martpol likes to tell of the time at school when, at one of the excruciating Headmaster's Receptions that unlucky sixth-formers were subjected to in turn, said Head approached him at the buffet table with the opening gambit: "Ah Martpol, I see you're a lover of traditional English cheeses."
Yep - there's no answer to that!
ReplyDeleteand the only possible one to the plaice question is Yes, which rather limits its usefulness - I think R.S chose the wrong fish there. 'Have you tried pouting?' might have set the table at a roar...
I envy those goby people who are a dab hand at small talk, I tend to flounder and skate around - it's a halibut I'm trying to break as I know things can get bleak when your stuck hearing some clueless orfe carping on about nonsense
ReplyDeleteOh you guys!
ReplyDeletePerhaps he should have questioned what I heard said about her by one of her many husbands:
"Every minute she's out of bed is a waste."
I guess she was just in the wrong plaice then, Barbara!
ReplyDelete@ Nige -- You're such a Scampi...
ReplyDeleteI once attended a party hosted by a noted figure in the arts world. Unaccustomed to socialising with the great and the good, I could not think of a thing to say to any of the famous guests. As I lurked in the background, the great man himself sat down on a chair next to me. After a few desperate minutes,I finally came up with: "What a lovely place you've got here." He got up and walked away.
ReplyDeleteAt a too-large Christmas party, I sat down next to a little girl who also seemed bored. We sat for some time without saying anything, staring straight ahead.
ReplyDeleteThen I asked her, "So, you still believe in Santa?"
She was quiet for a second, then said, "Not now!"
Sitting next to a well known actor who shall remain nameless but may well be married to the actress who played Sybil Fawlty, both waiting for the same delayed plane and in a virtually deserted lounge we had kind of nodded then got on with ignoring each other. Wishing to break the impasse I said "Sybil was at my daughters post-degree show recently" He fell about laughing, closely followed by me.
ReplyDeleteSilence is golden, golden.
I once found myself face to face with the formidably severe (and, it has to be said, very large) A.S. Byatt. Casting about for something to say, I came up with 'Read any good books lately?' She very soon moved on.
ReplyDelete