Monday 26 March 2012

Sensational Reader Offer

The endless coverage of the latest spot of Tory fund-raising bother over the weekend has given me an idea...

I'm sure you will appreciate that running Nigeness doesn't come cheap (you wouldn't believe the amount of fuel the legendary NigeCorp turbine hall alone consumes). Now you, dear reader, can help to keep Nigeness humming along at the top of its game [You call this the top? - Ed.] by making a donation, large or small (cash only please, for administrative reasons). Here's how it will work:

£5 will buy you not only the right to post a comment, but a personal Guarantee that it will not be deleted. Terms and conditions apply.
£20 will guarantee you a personal response to your comment (no minimum length guaranteed).
£50 will secure you a place on a guided tour of NigeCorp HQ.(Note: These tours will not be guided by me.)
£200 will secure you a personal guided tour of NigeCorp HQ, guided by me in person. (Minimum length of tour not guaranteed.)
£500 will secure you a visit to my personal penthouse apartment at NigeCorp HQ. (Minimum length of visit not guaranteed.)
£1,000 will guarantee that I'll be there when you visit. Terms and conditions apply.
£2,500 will secure you afternoon tea in said apartment, with me, in person. (No guaranteed maximum number of other guests.)
£5,000 will secure you a place at NigeCorp's legendary boardroom table, giving you the chance to offer your own input into the future direction and vision of NigeCorp and to shape Nigeness policy on matters important to you.

I'm sure you will agree that this represents excellent value for money, and a visionary way forward for Nigeness. Dig deep!


  1. I hope you're soon making millions.
    Email me an invoice for this. Please don't delete or I may refuse to pay.
    I would like further details on what you offer for tea.

  2. Please count me in for the £5,000 deal. (Terms and conditions also apply...)

  3. Incredible value! And so refreshingly free of the usual tugging at heart strings about helping to build a bigger, better society. They hand over the lolly and you immediately help them with their organizational goals. Terms and conditions are so instinctively understood in theses circles that it may not even be necessary to mention them. Simples.

  4. Afternoon tea is, of course, subject to availability. My campaign manager forgot to mention that, and is even now being escorted from the building.

  5. What price a total buy-out, Nige? I can't be dealing with sharing you with the hoi poloi.

  6. do you offer bungabunga parties?

  7. I'll get back to you on that one, Worm - and Recusant, my accountants are working on a figure...

  8. All you need now is a Nige spambot to insert this offer into every comment thread on the web.