Wednesday 8 July 2015

It's Not a Bank, It's a Horse

I haven't been watching much television lately - and yet somehow I keep coming across this utterly nauseating ad for Lloyds Bank. It really has everything, hasn't it - apart from any content, that is, least of all any content suggesting that it is a bank commercial (it seems to be about, er, horses, if anything).
 Like most people, I have stuck with the bank I opened my first account with (such is our banking system that it's too hard, and anyway pretty pointless, to change) - and that first bank happened to be Lloyds. In the 40-plus years that Lloyds has been 'by my side', our 'relationship' has been characterised by sullen indifference punctuated with bouts of annoyance, from mild to raging - and I suspect that is true of most account holders and their banks. Which, no doubt, is why their advertising 'people' urge the banks to forge a heartstring-tugging emotional narrative that entirely ignores the dismal realities. Still, it's good to know that the banks - despite having by their reckless stupidity crashed the economy, and despite being in the process of paying billions in fines for having played fast and loose with their customers' money - can still afford to make glossy megabudget commercials to tell us how much they care, and always have done. Pshaw!


  1. For years my bank has run TV ads telling me and everyone else that we're richer than we think. It's a strange disconnect with what my manager told me on my last visit.

  2. Nige, do you recall Rumpole's frequent verbal duels with the manager of his "Caring Bank"? I especially remember the one where, defeated by Rumpole's repartee skills, the manager finally admits there comes a time where it becomes "quite heartless".

  3. Times have changed since you opened your bank account, Mr Nigeness. It's very easy nowadays to change your bank - or at least it was when I took the momentous decision some years ago. My new bank did it all for me - sorted everything as easy as can be. I felt pretty good about it for a while, until its chairman was revealed to be a little muddled about financial affairs when he appeared in front of a parliamentary committee. Before I'd had time to recover from further revelations about his colourful private life, the bank nearly hit the buffers. I think some New York hedge funds own most of it now. But at least it's got an Ethical Policy in place, which may possibly be reassuring.

  4. Couldn't help noticing the message that 'comments are disabled' below the vid. A wise move, as I'm sure a tsunami of bile would follow this mawkish effort by their Tristram 'people', as wide of the mark in selling the brand as their clients were/are at running a dignified organisation that concentrated on the meaningless fiction we keep hearing, 'customer care'.
    You are lucky Peter to actually have a manager. I have a 'Relationship Support Manager' with whom I have no sort of relationship at all, save the meetings that she calls me to from time to time, to discuss the advisability of putting my overdraft onto a 'term loan', as it no longer seems to slide in and out of credit.
    The often scary Captain Mainwarings I dealt with when Wilson was in No 10 are now seen as wing-collared relics of a age that has passed - the customer care age. In their place has come an army of spotty-faced youths who obviously have been instructed by 'head office' to maximise bank profits by any means available to them.
    As most of us (clearly) think about our banks in this way, isn't it amazing that the agents appointed to polish-up their image insist upon giving us the sizzle whilst completely ignoring the sausage? I 'get' the horse theme, of course, but when I think of Lloyds, I think of a stinking dray horse being hosed down after a hard day ahead of the plough. By my side for 125 years? I never noticed?