Wednesday 1 July 2009

The Voice of Tennis

I wonder if tennis players have voice coaches in their entourages these days. Certainly they all - regardless of nationality or sex - seem to end up speaking in the same droning mid-Atlantic monotone, delivered with all the unrehearsed charm of a speak-your-weight machine. Of course no one in the world of tennis - least of all the players - has anything of the slightest interest to say. And yet the minute they come off court - or before - they are surrounded by the cream of the world's sports interviewers (hem hem), all desperate to catch their words of wisdom for the edification of the viewing millions. Utterly pointless.


  1. Each sport has its own, universally accepted, playerspeak.

    Fry and Laurie nailed Formula One, I seem to remember.

  2. By the way, Nige. Just went for a little walk around the country lanes hereabouts. After so long monitoring your informative nature notes, I have improved immeasurably as a wildlife expert.

    Just now I managed to identify and catalogue:

    - a white, very fluttery butterfly
    - a dark and possibly reddish butterfly (it was moving quickly)
    - a pair of small dark randy butterflies
    - a hovering kestrelly-kite sort of bird
    - a small black tweety bird
    - some sort of alarmingly heavy-sounding beast rustling in the undergrowth
    - a shit load of nasty annoying flies.


  3. You're getting there Brit - the road is long and hard - have the image of Bill Oddie always before you and you shall not fail or falter...

  4. Perfectly described, but aren't the interviews an important part of the spectacle? Tennis is like snooker for posh people: a soap opera with incessant one-on-one confrontations, just starring blander and more respectable types and played out in a nicer environment.

  5. Surely it's cruel to wish the image of Bill Oddie upon someone?

  6. Sometimes you've got to be cruel to be kind, Worm...

  7. I think the Yard summed it up well once, Gaw, when he said that tennis suffers from severe 'cricket envy'.

    The image of Bill Oddie has always been before me anyway, ever since I had that terrible, terrible dream.

  8. I used to love to play tennis -- before my knees started getting creaky -- but I think watching it can get pretty boring. Well, not when McEnroe played, because his temper tantrums added drama. But who else does that now? The one girl grunts, but otherwise, they're all metal-swinging automatons.