Saturday 14 June 2008

New Meaning

To steal a category from Bryan (whom I met yesterday at a secret rendezvous in London's swanky West End, where we mapped out the next step in our total domination of the known blogosphere - be afraid...), here's a New Meaning. 'Perfectly ripe', as in the 'perfectly ripe' fruit you buy in the supermarket. Meaning: Brick hard and in need of a week in the sun - but costing twice as much. I write with feeling, having just drilled my way into a 'perfectly ripe' avocado.

12 comments:

  1. Same here though a basket of nectarines in my case. The cleverly hidden ones at the bottom are green and could be used in a cannon. It's too bad microwave ovens don't have a "ripen fruit" setting.

    Best wishes for total domination of the blogosphere though I feel that some red wine and carbohydrates may be necessary to get the team into proper shape first.

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  2. Its the bananas that make my brain hurt, out of the bag a chainsaw is required, turn your back for 5 minutes, turned brown, gone mushy, onto the compost heap with them.
    I hope this conspiracy of the kilobauds isn't the final solution, today Carshalton, tomorrow Penge.

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  3. Mark, I am forever fooled by the nectarines and peaches. I buy them only after carefully feeling their flesh, sniffing their skin, and studying their color. All seems to check out. But it's a hoax. They look and feel and smell ripe, but they're not. This a.m. I bit into one and it was tough inside and not at all sweet. A huge disappointment. Growers have figured out how to mimic ripe fruit, but it's all fakery. Caveat emptor!

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  4. My father - who was born in India in 1931 - always ate supermarket fruit stoically, resigned to its crapness. When he was a boy he just got it straight from the tree when it was indeed perfectly ripe, rather than plucking it when it was still green, packing it on a plane and then shipping it to a supermarket to slowly ripen, if it could be called 'ripening' when it's plucked too early.

    Second-rate ripe, perhaps, is what they mean.

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  5. Looking for all the world like a fully matured peach, the image of an overripe fruit is reinforced, in my own case, by my bottom’s striking similarity in shape and texture to a rounded pear, while a careful feel of my flesh, the sniffing of my skin, the biting into it, or indeed the perusal of it’s colour would further establish that it has a voluptuous, somehow tender aura redolent of too much sunbathing....

    Fully first=rate ripened and waiting to be plucked - honi soit qui mal y pense!

    D.

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  6. Selena, that would be very arousing if i didn't suspect you were really Bryan Appleyard in drag; in which case it becomes, rather, extremely disturbing.

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  7. I spent my childhood in India. Well do I know the art of picking fruit from the tree in the yard. To this day, I can't stand supermarket papaya and mango, although I love both. Bananas aren't as bad, fortunately.

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  8. Selena! What the French call (gulp) cul de poire. I might have known...

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  9. Ah, Nige, you’ve got me there. I’m completely baffled as to the meaning, sound and significance of an expression which, I strongly suspect, is not part of polite French. Nevertheless, I have no doubt that as usual, you mean exceedingly well...

    ...and Elberry, rather than disputing a charge of hiding behind a transgendered intermediary, I’ll have you know that I am in fact incredibly honest unless my age is involved. Then I forget everything, my background, my manners, my uprightness....

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  10. I always found burdz whispering French in me ear one big turnoff, Italian now, that's a horse of an entirely different colour, I remember one night in Aosta, and several in Bergamo, and a few in Milan, and then of course there was Courmayer, I digress.
    Circlip Richard was born in India, so, apparently were millions of Indians.
    elberry, If your dad was born in India shouldn't you be Bollyberry

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  11. 'cul de poire' pear ass?

    Interesting, Malty - i hadn't really noticed that my father's family name ends in 'cherry' - how strange, from cherry to berry, and i never noticed.

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  12. But Elberry, you did notice: Subliminally. Now Malty has made it manifest for you.

    (All that reading of Freud in grad school is suddenly paying off.)

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