Tuesday 25 November 2008

Peacocks and Chuggers

Being the only alfresco sandwich-eater braving the cold in a sheltered corner of Holland Park this afternoon, I was hardly surprised to find myself besieged by importunate pigeons and grey 'squirrels' - but to be harassed by a peacock was more of a novelty. Fixing me meaningly with his bright eye, the brute was clearly on the point of snatching my sandwich from my hand when I saw him off - though not very far off; he continued to loiter with intent in the shrubbery. Peacocks may be beautiful birds - and a close-up look is always an aesthetic pleasure - but morally they are every bit as degenerate as the rest of the feloniously inclined fauna.
Returning via the high street, I encountered, inevitably, their human equivalent - the little legion of 'chuggers' (charity muggers) who home in on the unwary passerby with a laser smile and a merry 'How are you today?' At least I imagine that's what they say. Happily I have perfected a Look that freezes the words on their lips and leaves them in no doubt that to proceed further would be to risk something far worse... Happily there are signs that something might be done to clear the street of these grinning menaces. It would be a start.


  1. I've discovered that embracing chuggers is the best policy. Be more fawning and annoying than they and they soon get the picture.

  2. I saw a wildlife film recently in which a gang of peacocks sauntered up and started to bait a tiger which was trying for a bit of shut-eye. Sounds suicidal but they seemed to know just how far they could irritate the beast without actually driving it to fury. Very sneaky. I'm sure Dick is right about chuggers. There is a complete infestation in this area. But like you I only manage a beady stare aka the "squirrel eye".

  3. The Big Issue had a good scam going, at one point the asking price was 90 pence, most people handed over a pound coin and feeling charitable, refused the change. A very shrewd piece of marketing.
    We must look impoverished, the Princess street branch tend to ignore us, ditto the market researchers, they must think that we are from an unidentifiable group, this is true.

  4. A kiss is a good counter and is straight from Sun Zu's 'Art of War'. If they persist, go for the lips. If they still persist, try a little tongue. Usually works for me.

  5. If i'm in a bad mood i aay simply, 'leave me the f*ck alone'.

    If i'm in a better mood i give them a bright lunatic grin and say in an unidentifiable accent: "I do not speak your English! I am from Estonia!"